


The Idea of Me

by Worm69



Category: Original Work
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, I dont expect anyone to read this i just wanted somewhere to organize my story uwu, Soulmates, but if you do, many others but im lazy so thats most of it, rating is general now but will certainly change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24953377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worm69/pseuds/Worm69
Summary: Kestrel is convinced that soulmates aren’t this magical thing destined by fate that made everyone happy forever. They are purely scientific even though science doesn’t understand it yet. They are just marks on peoples bodies for other people with the same ideas. They fall in love with the idea of soulmates, and not each other. But she needs to convince her parents that she can be happy without a soulmate, leading to a crazy string of events that makes her crush that made out with her at a party 2 months ago, become her fake girlfriend....Of course nothing is that simple.
Relationships: Kestrel/Yuri





	1. The Party

**Author's Note:**

> No one has beta read this so it is FULL of spelling and grammatical errors. Not to mention this is the first time I've tried writing anything other then something for school so uh don't judge too much.

~2 months ago~

Carter wants to take her to a house party. But she didn’t really want to go. She just wants read her book, But Carter insisted she go with him. She said goodbye to her pet orchid mantis, Miku and let's Carter drive them to this random kid’s house and started to party. Kestrel wasn’t having that much fun at first but after dancing and drinking for a few hours and Kestrel finds herself loosing up and enjoying the party. She gets tired quick though so she decided to go outside for a smoke.

That’s when she saw her. It wasn’t love at first sight necessarily, but more like holy fucking shit she’s hot. Kestrel recognized her from long purple hair draped over her shirt that was a sleeveless crop top. She was a popular girl at the school but she really didn’t know much else about her. She thinks her name is Yuri but she can’t be sure. She watched as a puff of smoke swirled around the purple haired girl who passed the pipe to the person next to her, Carter.

She found a seat on the edge of the couch next to Carter and he passed the bowl to her after his turn, as she sat. She closed her eyes and inhaled as the tingling sensation buzzed her brain. She exhaled, shooting the smoke into the night sky as she noticed Yuri across from her starring at her through the veil. She felt heat rise to her cheeks as she looked away, at her friend who suddenly wasn’t there. She looked around and saw Carter being led away by the hand by a taller man. He looked back at her and winked before entering the house. She smiled to herself, happy her best friend would get laid tonight. 

They discussed beforehand that if one of them got the chance to go home with someone else that night that they wouldn’t stop it. Only to make sure to contact them in the morning to bring them back to the dorm. She knew that she wouldn’t get laid but she’s glad that at least he will. 

Contemplating this, she realized she and Yuri were the only ones left on the outdoor couch. It was quiet now, only the sounds of the muffled EDM music and indistinct conversations from inside the house could be heard. As well as the frogs and insects happily chirping through the night. 

“You done with that?” A voice cut through the warm air.

She turned back to Yuri. Who was looking at her quizzically. “Huh?” She replied.

Yuri rolls her eyes but not in a condescending way, she has a playful smile on her face. “The weed? You done with it?” She pointed at the bowl in Kestrels hands.

“Oh! Right sorry.” She leaned over to pass it, embarrassed at herself.

Yuri smiled brightly and it made Kestrel feel something inside of herself that she couldn’t pin point.

“You’re good.” Yuri chuckled slightly. And then took another drag. They both sat in slightly uncomfortable silence for a few moments when Yuri speaks again.

“So, you go to school here?” 

“Ah yeah, I’m a junior.” She hoped her nervousness didn’t show in her voice. It’s not that she is uncomfortable, just being alone with a pretty girl. puts her a little more on edge than usual. 

“What do you study?” Yuri questions casually.

“Entomology.” She replies. She’s proud of her major even if most people don’t like it. It’s been a part of her life for as long as she can remember, and she’s had a very close relationship with it. But seeing Yuri’s face of confusion was expected. Not many people know what it even is. “Bugs. And insects” she helpfully tells the confused girl. “Oh, and  
arachnids too even though they aren’t even insects. But we just lump them together anyway.” She chuckles at the end but it dies out quick.

“Can you make a career out of that?” Yuri says flatly, but not in the way most people do. When Kestrel tells people that she studies bugs most of them straight up tell her that that’s gross. And even if they don’t say it out loud it’s almost always written on their face that they think it’s weird. But looking at Yuri’s eyes, she saw no sign of disgust, only curiosity, like a small child. It’s such a shock to Kestrel that she doesn’t reply for a few seconds. Just surprised that someone actually wants to talk with her about her passion that isn’t already interested in that passion. Carter for example, isn’t an entomologist but he does also study zoology. He wants to be an exotic veterinarian, specifically for reptiles. And in that way is kind of branches into Kestrels study.

But it’s been an uncomfortable amount of time since Yuri asked her question and now she sputters trying to answer it. 

“Um yeah actually! There are a lot of things you can do with an entomology degree like be hired by farmers to deal with pests, but I specifically want to do field research, hopefully finding new species and stuff...” she trails off at the end.

“That’s actually really interesting.” Yuri rests her chin in her hand. Leaning across the couch slightly to listen more intently. And she does have a look of genuine interest in her face. 

“Oh well thank you!” She nervously scratches her head, not being used to receiving praise for her major. “I find it really interesting as well, I mean there are so many arthropods out there to study and discover!” She feels herself smiling and she’s not embarrassed anymore. She’s glad to be able to talk about this stuff with someone other than Carter who always says “YES I GET IT YOU LOVE BUGS.” But she knows he still loves her and her back. Even so she doesn’t want to get into a whole rant with someone who she just met so she turns the conversation to her.

“So, what do you study?”

“I’m an art major, illustration and stuff.” 

“Oh cool, so is that easy for you or really hard?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started!” She grinned at the girl across from her. But Kestrel did get her started, and listened as she talked about her studies and teachers and classmates.  
Eventually they started talking about different topics. They just kept talking about everything and nothing. They talked about foods and sports. They talked about tv shows and memes. The ocean and the stars. Everything and nothing. Kestrel tried listening to everything the girl said but after talking endlessly for a whole hour and being very drunk and high, she didn’t even realize that both of them were laying side by side on the couch now, with feet at opposite ends and faces close and they stared in the night sky. 

They laid in a comfortable silence for a long time, just content with the summer breeze and the noises of the dwindling party in their ears. But soon she realized that even though she was staring at the stars, the girl next to her was not. She slowly turned on her side to see Yuri look right back into her eyes, unblinking. Kestrel should feel strange about this, but she doesn’t. She stares right back into the girls eyes. She realized with amusement that even though she may be looking away from the sky, she can still gaze at the stars trapped in Yuri’s deep brown eyes. 

They sat there few a few moments more, just staring like that when Yuri started moving all of the sudden. Kestrel flinched in surprise as Yuri sets up and moves her legs around them to fit on either side of Kestrels hips, effectively now straddling her. It takes a few moments to realize what the fuck is happening. Hot girl in her lap staring down at her. Suddenly she is blushing like crazy and panicking.

“Um... what-“ she’s cut off as Yuri leans down and putting her face very VERY close to Kestrel’s but stops right above her.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” She breathes onto Kestrel’s nose. She shivers in response and tries to form words.

“I uh, I-“ but she can’t seem to actually say anything. To be honest she doesn’t even know what to say. The obvious thing is to say stop and let me go. This could turn bad quick. But staring at the bright eyes in front of her see realizes that that’s not what’s happening. Yuri may have lust in her lidded eyes but it’s not a violent lust. She’s even waiting for Kestrel to give her consent! Yuri isn’t trying to take advantage of her. She just wants to make out after a night of sexual tension has reached its peak. And god did Kestrel want to do the same. She’s wanted to all night but she never let herself feel the hope that the other girl might feel the same way. But she stares at the face above hers. Looks at her plump lips before deciding. Her decision essentially went along the lines of “fuck it” as she closed the distance between them and kissed her. 

Yuri immediately reacts to pull her in closer, all though she seemed surprised at the initiative. 

The kiss is sloppy and messy. They don’t go slow, they just instantly understand that they both want this. need this.  
Kestrel finds her hand lay on the girl’s hip as she breathes deeply through her nose. All of her focus was moving her mouth against hers. Nothing else mattered. Her hands ran up and down the girls back and neck, as she pressed closer to her, both of them now panting.

With the alcohol in her blood and the high of the kiss and weed in her brain, time blurred around her. She feels like they could have been making out for seconds or hours.  
She didn’t even process that she was at a party anymore. That she was outside on a hot summer night probably sweaty and gross. All she thought about was Yuri. This stranger who has her tongue in her mouth. And she thinks about how fucking good this feels. How she wants to never stop, never even take a moment to breathe, because her lips feel so good in hers. Like a puzzle piece that has finally found its place. 

She was stuck in these thoughts when all of sudden the heat she was so comfortable with sitting on top of her body was gone. Yuri had stopped kissing her.

Kestrel opened her eyes in confusion to see Yuri looking at a boy in the doorway to the house. She hadn’t even heard him open the door.

“Yo Yuri, wanna play the last round of beer pong for the night?” He said as casually as possible. Like he hadn’t just walked in on two girls who were making out like they were lovers who hadn’t seen each other in years who finally reunited before he walked in on them.

“Sure.” Said just as casually and shrugged before getting off of Kestrel’s lap, and started walking away. Kestrel’s head was spinning not really able to process what was happening. 

Right before Yuri walked into the house, she turned around to look at Kestrel, and smiled softly before closing the door behind her.

Kestrel was left on the couch still panting and extremely confused.

She laid back down and looked up at the sky again.

“What the fuck just happened?”


	2. The Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Kestrel stop getting interrupted for 5 MINUTES?

~Present Day~

“Carter,” she groaned “can’t I just go with you please?” She looked up from the library table at him with pleading eyes. 

“Kestrel you know you can’t.” He didn’t even look up from his laptop. “I only have one plane ticket to my parent’s house.”

“Ugh,” she groaned again. “Why do you have to live so far away?”

“Maine is kind of far too.” Kestrel glared at him. “Ok you’re right. Not as far as Florida, but you still have a few hours’ drive.”

“But you are flying! And I still can’t get over the fact that you are from Florida.” She joked. 

“Hey I’m a proud Floridan!”

She wrinkled her nose. “You shouldn’t be.”

“Hey!” He tried to be serious but they both started laughing. 

They both were shocked when they heard a voice behind them. “She’s right that is nothing to be proud of.” 

They both looked up to see Yuri and a few more of their friends sit down at their table. And yeah Yuri, the same girl that made out with Kestrel a few months ago at the house party. Somehow during that time one Carter’s friends was also a part of Yuri’s friend group and he introduced them all to each other when they happened to meet at the library one day. They soon found out it was really fun to study with them, so by Kestrel’s luck, a weekly study group was formed between them, making her and Yuri a part of it. The only thing is, is that it wasn’t by good luck this happened. Oh no. It was certainly bad luck. See, the problem is that when Carter’s friend introduced them, Kestrel was a blushing mess. Because for the past few months, Yuri was all she could think about. She was crushing on her, and hard. She told the friend that they already knew each other. But to Kestrel’s surprise, Yuri said “really?” Kestrel reminded her that they met at a house party a month or so ago. Yuri only looked confused and said that she doesn’t remember and blamed it on the alcohol. To say Kestrel was crushed (heh) was an understatement. Not only did the girl she likes not remember giving her the best kiss in her life, but know she has to sit across from her every week while they study?? She had no idea how to survive this.

“You aren’t any better!” Carter retorted. “You’re from… wait where are you from?”

Yuri chuckled a bit and that diffidently didn’t do things to her heart. “I was born in Japan, but I moved here with my grandma when I was 13.”

“Oh, shit! I take back my insult, that’s cool as hell! Wait, if you where born there, how come you don’t have an accent?”

“One of my dads was American and he raised me on English when I was young so I’m fluent in both languages.”

“Oh my god can you get any cooler?” Cater swooned. 

Kestrel scoffed but no one heard it. This was how she coped with the fact that she also found it cool as hell. Kestrel puts up this front around Yuri. She acts like she doesn’t care and is disinterested in everything she says, when the exact opposite is true. But she just wants to get over this stupid crush and move on with her life.

“Anyway…” Said Ken across from them. “Should we start studying? Finals are in 3 days.”

“Ugh don’t remind me!” Arthur groaned. “But yeah we should.”

“Alright let’s get into the groups!”

Since most of the study group where all from different classes, they split them all up into smaller groups or partners that had credits that related to each other, then they switched groups for other classes multiple times a session. This was a saving grace for Kestrel, since her and Yuri practically have no classes together. Practicality… because OF COURSE they had the same trigonometry class together. However, it was the first rotation and her and Carter were reading up on what kind of frogs can change the pigment of their skin. Kestrel loves frogs but she found herself not being able to focus on the assignment. This wasn’t new, normally it would be hard enough with the stress of finals, not to mention she has to study around Yuri. But those things weren’t at the top of her mind right now. 

She was thinking about her parents. She wanted to go with Carter not because he had a nice super short plane ride vs a 7-hour car ride (that still was nice), but it was because she just didn’t want to go visit her parents at all. But for good reason. Kestrel doesn’t want to hear the endless lecture of her needing to find her soulmate. She is sick of it! All her life her parents have told her that the pursuit of her soulmate and love in general is more important then anything. Kestrel believes that she had the only parents in history to tell her not to school for something as dumb as love. 

She did believe them for a long time, them always saying that love is the most valuable thing on the earth and we were all destined for soulmates. But then Kestrel grew up. She saw how even though people who where mated, could still be unhappy. Soulmates aren’t this magical thing destined by fate that made everyone never feel a negative emotion. They are purely scientific even though science doesn’t understand it yet. They are just marks on peoples bodies for other people with the same ideas. They fall in love with the idea of soulmates, and not each other. She’s tried so hard to convince her parents that she would rather pursue her passions rather then love, but they still believe she’s in this “rebel” phase. And honestly it is a rebel phase, she wants to rebel and reject the idea of soulmates all together. If only she could convince them she could be happy without a soulmate. Like she could be committed to someone ELSE who wasn’t her soulmate!

“I got it!”

She’d just get a partner who wasn’t her soulmate. People date others all the time, admittedly not for too long, usually just as friends with benefits, but people mate who don’t have the same marks all the same! Well she diffidently wont mate with this new partner because even though a soul bond won’t be opened its still- 

She looked up for the first time since her internal monologue to see her entire study group staring at her. 

She immediately shrunk down, only to realize she was standing. 

“Uh...”

“Dude are you good?” Carter asked with concern from her right side.

“…Yeah… sorry about that ha-ha.” She sat back into her chair, rubbing the back of her head.

The rest of the group looked suspicious but started to work again.

“Kestrel what was up with that!?” Carter whisper-shouted in her ear.

“I uh just thought of a plan for how to stop my parents from bugging me about my soulmate all week.”

“And that genius plan that made you shout out loud in a public library is?”

She grinned at him. “I just need to bring a girlfriend.” 

“Ok… quick question, where are you going to find a new girlfriend in 3 days?”

Kestrel gulped. Shit she didn’t think of that.

“Everyone is going home to their own families, who will be willing to go with you? And just so she can meet your parents?”

“I um-“ she tried, but Carter didn’t stop.

“Not to mention you haven’t had a girlfriend since that girl you probably traumatized in middle school!”

“Carter!” She whisper-shouted.

“Face it Kestrel, you can’t get a girlfriend to go with you to Maine in 3 days.”

Kestrel was angry but she knew he was right. She was about to challenge him that “yes she could” because her competitive side is way to strong but she got interrupted again. 

“He’s right Kestrel.” Arthur said nodding his head.

She stammered trying to think of something to say. She didn’t realize that they were talking loud enough for others to hear that last part. 

“Yeah and even if you did manage to find someone who’d be willing to go with you, do you think they’d do it just so they can be pestered by your parents? Or would you tell them that you are just manipulating them?” Lily questioned.

Shit they heard everything.

And now they are staring at her.

“Um, I guess I’d tell them what I was planning and-.” She was sweating bullets.

“So, would you even try to be decent enough to ask them out before making them go to your parents, or would you just go up to a random girl and say ‘hey do you want to go through 2 weeks of torture of pretending to be my gf with no benefits at all?’” Lily pressed.

“I-“

“Oh, like a fake girlfriend? Like she would be in on the whole thing and only act like an actual partner around her parents?” Ken was in on it now.

Carter turned to them “Yeah but who would be her fake girlfriend?” 

“Guys I think- “

“I’ll do it.” 

A new voice in the argument made all of them shut up and turn to the other side of the table. Yuri was sipping her iced coffee like what she said was no big deal. 

Everyone was still shocked in silence when she looked up again and was like “what?”

“You… You’d be my fake girlfriend?” Kestrel didn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth.

Yuri sat up. “Yeah, I mean I was just going to stay here over break but even if your parents are wack, they’d still give us free food and a bed, right?”

Kestrel nodded slowly.

“Then sure,” she grinned. “I’ll be your fake girlfriend.”


End file.
